Izindlela Eziphumelelayo Zokuxhumana Ebudlelwaneni Obukude
Ubudlelwano obude (ama-LDR) buvame ukubhekwa njengobunzima ngoba abalingani abakwazi ukubonana ngaso sonke isikhathi. Kodwa-ke, inselele enkulu kuma-LDR akuyona nje ibanga, kodwa kunalokho indlela abaxhumana ngayo. Lapho isikhathi sobuso nobuso sinqunyelwe, ukuxhumana kuba "ibhuloho" eligcina ukusondelana, linciphise ukungaqondani, futhi lakhe umuzwa wokulondeka. Izindaba ezinhle ukuthi ukuxhumana okuphumelelayo kungafundwa futhi kwenziwe. Lesi sihloko sixoxa ngezindlela ezisebenzayo zokugcina ukuxhumana okunempilo, okufudumele, nokuphumelelayo ebudlelwaneni obude.
1. Qondanisa okulindelwe kusukela ekuqaleni
Izinkinga eziningi zobudlelwano obude azibangelwa ukuntuleka kothando, kodwa zibangelwa amathemba angadalulwanga. Isibonelo, omunye umlingani angase akuthole kuyinto evamile ukuxoxa usuku lonke, kuyilapho omunye enomuzwa wokuthi kwanele ukuthumelelana imiyalezo ekuseni nasebusuku. Lo mehluko ungaholela emizweni yokunganakwa noma yokulawula.
Zama ukukhuluma ngezinto eziyisisekelo ezifana nalezi:
– Ufuna kangaki ukuxhumana ngosuku/ngesonto?
– Ukhululeke kakhudlwana ngengxoxo, ucingo, noma ikholi yevidiyo?
– Yiziphi izikhathi ovame ukuba matasa ngazo futhi ungakwazi ukuphendula?
– Yini ebhekwa “njengokuvamile” nokuthi yini ebhekwa “njengokweqile”?
Ukuvumelanisa okulindelwe akusho ukudala ubudlelwano obuqinile. Eqinisweni, lapho isivumelwano sicacile, yilapho kuba ncane khona indawo yobandlululo.
2. Dala "isiko" lokuxhumana elihambisanayo
Ebudlelwaneni obude, ukungaguquguquki kunikeza umuzwa wokulondeka. Akudingeki kube kunde noma kube kubi kakhulu; into ebalulekile iwumkhuba. Imikhuba elula njengokushaya ucingo imizuzu eyi-10 ngaphambi kokulala, ukushaya ividiyo njalo ngempelasonto, noma ukubhalisa ekuseni kunganikeza ukwesekwa ngokomzwelo.
Le mikhuba isiza nomlingani wakho ukuba azizwe eyinto eza kuqala. Uma izinsuku zizizwa zimatasa, lezi zikhathi ezincane nezihleliwe zingaba yisikhumbuzo sokuthi ubudlelwano busakhuliswa, hhayi nje into "eyakamuva lapho nginesikhathi".
3. Ikhwalithi ibaluleke kakhulu kunobuningi
Ukuxoxa njalo akwenzi ubuhlobo bube buseduze ngaso sonke isikhathi. Okubaluleke kakhulu ukuxhumana okunenjongo. Buza imibuzo ofuna ukuyazi ngempela, hhayi nje ingxoxo encane.
Izibonelo zemibuzo ekhulisa ukusondelana:
– “Yini ebikhathaza kakhulu namuhla?”
– “Ingabe kukhona isikhathi esikwenza uziqhenye namuhla?”
– “Ngingakusiza kanjani uzizwe uzolile?”
Imibuzo efana nale ivula ithuba lokwabelana ngemizwa, hhayi nje imibiko yemisebenzi.
4. Sebenzisa indlela yokuxhumana ecacile neqondile
Ukuxhumana ngombhalo kuvame ukuchazwa kabi ngenxa yokuntuleka kwephimbo kanye nokubonakaliswa kobuso. Imisho emifushane ingabonakala ibanda, ihlekisa, noma ithukuthele, uma kungenjalo. Ngakho-ke, zijwayeze ukukhuluma ngokucacile nangokuqondile.
Esikhundleni sokuthi, “Ushintshile,” zama ukushintsha kube:
– “Nginomuzwa wokuthi asikakhulumi kakhulu muva nje. Ngiyakukhumbula futhi ngifuna ukuba nesikhathi esikhethekile.”
Esikhundleni sokuthi, “Noma yini,” zama:
– “Ngidinga isikhashana sokuthula. Ngizophendula ngo-9 ekuseni, kulungile?”
Ukuxhumana okuqondile kunciphisa idrama engadingekile.
5. Ungagwemi izingxabano, kodwa lawula indlela yokulwa.
Ingxabano ebudlelwaneni obude iyinto evamile. Okuyingozi yindlela okusingatha ngayo: ngokunyamalala, ukunganaki, noma ukwenza izibikezelo. Uma kuvela izinkinga, khetha isikhathi esifanele sokuxoxa ngazo, ikakhulukazi uma kunomehluko wendawo yesikhathi.
Eminye imithetho enempilo ngesikhathi sengxabano:
- Gwema ukuxazulula izinkinga ezinkulu ngezingxoxo ezinde; sebenzisa ucingo noma ucingo lwevidiyo.
– Gxila enkingeni eyodwa, ungavuli wonke amaphutha adlule.
– Sebenzisa umusho othi “Ngizizwa…” esikhundleni sokuthi “uhlala…”.
– Uma imizwa iphakama, thatha ikhefu bese unquma ukuthi uzoqhubeka nini nokukhuluma.
Umgomo wengxabano akukhona ukunqoba impikiswano, kodwa ukuthola indlela yokwenza ubuhlobo buzizwe buphephile kubo bobabili abantu abathintekayo.
6. Yakha ukwethembana ngokusobala okunengqondo
Ukwethembana kuyisisekelo sobudlelwano obukude. Kodwa-ke, ukwethembana kuhlukile ekuqapheni. Ukungafihli lutho okunempilo kusho ukuvuleleka ngezinto ezibalulekile—isimiso sakho, izinhlelo, ubungane—ngaphandle kokwenza umlingani wakho abe “unogada” odinga ukwazi yonke imininingwane.
Ungakha umuzwa wokulondeka ngemikhuba emincane:
– Ngitshele uma uzoba matasa isikhathi eside.
– Indaba emfushane ngomsebenzi noma isimo sengqondo.
– Gcina izithembiso zokuxhumana ezivunyelwene ngazo.
Uma kukhona imbangela yomona, khuluma ngakho njengomzwelo okudingeka uqondwe, hhayi njengesikhali sokumangalela.
7. Sebenzisa ubuchwepheshe, kodwa ungabuthembi ngokuphelele.
Ubuchwepheshe busiza ubudlelwano obude ukuthi buhlale buseduze: izingcingo zevidiyo, amanothi ezwi, ukwabelana ngezindawo ngenkathi usohambweni, ukubukela ama-movie ndawonye, noma ukudlala imidlalo ndawonye. Imisebenzi ehlanganyelwe yenza ubudlelwano buzizwe bungokoqobo, ngisho noma ibanga lisihlukanisa.
Kodwa-ke, kubalulekile futhi ukungawenzi ubuchwepheshe bube umthombo wakho wokusondelana kuphela. Uma omunye umlingani ekhathele futhi engakwazi ukuba ku-inthanethi, ubudlelwano akufanele buzizwe "buphukile" ngokushesha. Ibhalansi phakathi kokusondelana nendawo yomuntu siqu izogcina ubudlelwano buhlala isikhathi eside.
8. Bonisa uthando “ngolimi” oluqondwa umlingani wakho.
Wonke umuntu unezindlela ezahlukene zokuthola uthando: amazwi okuqinisekisa, isikhathi esihle, izipho, izenzo zomusa, noma ukuthinta. Ebudlelwaneni obude, ukuthintana kunzima kakhulu ukukufeza, ngakho-ke udinga ukuba nobuciko.
Isibonelo esilula:
– Uma umlingani wakho ethanda amazwi okuqinisekisa: thumela imiyalezo ethile yokubonga, hhayi nje “ukujabula.”
– Uma umlingani wakho ethanda isikhathi esingcono: hlela usuku oluku-inthanethi ngaphandle kweziphazamiso.
– Uma umlingani wakho ethanda izipho: thumela okuthile okuqondene nawe, njengencwadi oyithandayo noma inothi elibhalwe ngesandla.
Into ebaluleke kakhulu ukungaguquguquki nobuqotho, hhayi ubukhulu bomzamo.
9. Xoxani ngezinhlelo zemihlangano kanye nemigomo yobudlelwano.
Ubudlelwano obude obungenalo isiqondiso esicacile buvame ukushiya abantu bezizwa bekhathele ngoba kuzwakala sengathi "balinde ngaphandle kokuqiniseka." Ngakho-ke, ukuxhumana okuphumelelayo kuhlanganisa nezingxoxo ezingokoqobo mayelana nokuthi ningahlangana nini nokuthi ubudlelwano buya kuphi.
Akudingeki kube ngomshado ngokushesha, kodwa ungakhuluma ngalokhu okulandelayo:
– Uhlelo lokuvakasha okulandelayo.
– Ukonga okuqondiwe kokuhamba.
– Kungenzeka ukuthutha amadolobha noma ukuhlanganisa izinhlelo zesikhathi eside.
Ukuba nohlelo kwenza ubudlelwano buzizwe sengathi bunekusasa, hhayi nje ukuthi buphila usuku nosuku.
10. Gcina impilo yangasese ukuze ubudlelwano buhlale buphilile.
Ebudlelwaneni obude, kunengozi yokwenza umlingani wakho abe yedwa umthombo wenjabulo, okuholela ekubambezelekeni okuncane kakhulu kokuxhumana. Ukuxhumana okuphumelelayo kudinga nokuzinza komuntu siqu: ukugcina isimiso, abangane, umsebenzi, kanye nezinto azithandayo.
Uma unempilo ezinzile, uzoxhumana nomlingani wakho ngombono onempilo—hhayi ngokwesaba, ukusola, noma isizungu esiningi. Ubuhlobo buba yindawo yokukhula, hhayi indawo yokuthembela komunye nomunye.
I-Penutup
Ukuxhumana ebudlelwaneni obude akuphathelene nemiyalezo evamile noma izingcingo ezinde, kodwa kumayelana nokucaca, ukuhambisana, kanye nozwela. Ngokuvumelanisa okulindelwe, ukusungula amasiko avamile, ukuxazulula izingxabano ngendlela evuthiwe, kanye nokugcina ukwethembana ngaphandle kokulawula ngokweqile, ubudlelwano obude bungaba ubudlelwano obuqinile nobunenjongo. Ibanga linganciphisa ukuxhumana ngokomzimba, kodwa ukuxhumana okuphumelelayo kungalondoloza ukusondelana ngokomzwelo—futhi kwenze ubudlelwano buvuthwe kakhulu njengoba bobabili befunda ukuqondana, ukulalelana, nokwazisana.
Uma ungathanda, ngingaguqula lesi sihloko sibe yisitayela esivamile/esisemthethweni, noma ngengeze isampula yengxoxo namathiphu aqondene ngqo nemibhangqwana esezindaweni zesikhathi ezahlukene.
