Te Hiranga o te Whakawhirinaki i roto i te Hononga o te Tokorua
Ko te whakawhirinaki te tūāpapa o tētahi whanaungatanga. Ki te kore tēnei, ka ngāwari te ngoikore o ngā whanaungatanga, ka ki tonu i te ruarua, te whakapae, me te koretake. I tetahi atu taha, ina kaha ake te whakawhirinaki, ka taea e ngā tāne me ngā wāhine te hanga hononga hauora, mahana, me te pakari ake ka taea te tu atu i ngā pakanga. Ehara i te mea ko te whakapono anake kāore tō hoa e teka, e tinihanga rānei, engari ko te noho haumaru hoki i te mōhio ka taea e koe te noho ko koe anō, te whakarongohia, me te whakautehia.
Te tikanga o te whakawhirinaki i roto i ngā whanaungatanga
Ko te whakawhirinaki i roto i te whanaungatanga ko te whakapono ka mahi te hoa me ngā whakaaro pai, ka pupuri i ngā herenga, ka whakaute i ō tātou kare ā-roto. Ko te whakawhirinaki he whakapono ki ngā kupu a tō tātou hoa, engari ko te pumau o ā rātou mahi. I roto i te mahi, ka kitea te whakawhirinaki i roto i ngā mea ngāwari: te pupuri i ngā kupu whakaari, te kore e huna i ngā mea nui, te tuwhera, me te hiahia ki te tango i te kawenga mō ngā hapa.
He hononga tata anō hoki te whakawhirinaki ki te haumaru o ngā kare ā-roto. Ina noho haumaru te tangata, kāore e hiahiatia kia "whakamātautau" tonu i tā rātou hoa, kia rapu huarahi, kia kaha rawa rānei te whakahaere. Ka nui ake te rangimārie me te ngahau o ngā whanaungatanga.
He aha te hiranga o te whakawhirinaki?
1. Waihangahia he wairua haumaru me te pumau
He mea nui te haumaru i roto i te whanaungatanga. Ina whakawhirinaki tātou ki tō tātou hoa, kāore tātou e noho i roto i te manukanuka, i te wehi rānei kei pakaru te whanaungatanga i tētahi wā. Mā te whakawhirinaki ka tau te pumau o ngā kare ā-roto: ka taea e tātou te aro nui atu ki te hanga i te heke mai, kaua ki te whakaaro he aha te mea e tupu ana.
2. Whakapakari i te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero
Mā te whakawhirinaki ka nui ake te pono o te kōrero. He nui ake te tūponotanga o te tangata ki te whakapuaki i ōna whakaaro ina kore rātou e wehi kei whakahengia, kei whakapaetia, kei whakarērea rānei. Ka taea e ngā tāne me ngā wāhine e whakawhirinaki ana tetahi ki tetahi te kōrero mō ngā kaupapa tairongo pēnei i te pūtea, te hītori, ngā matea kare ā-roto, tae atu ki te moepuku me te pakeke ake. Ehara i te whakawhitiwhiti kupu noa iho te kōrero, engari he tukanga māramatanga tahi.
3. Whakaitihia ngā pakanga koretake
He maha ngā tautohetohe i roto i ngā whanaungatanga e ahu mai ana i ngā whakaaro pēnei i te, "Mehemea kei te teka koe," "Kei te āta wareware koe ki ahau," "Kāore koe e aro." Ina iti te whakawhirinaki, ka rite ngā mea iti ki ngā tūmomo mōrearea nui. I tetahi atu taha, mā te whakawhirinaki ka māmā ake te tuku whakamārama whaitake mā ngā hoa, me te karo i ngā whakapae. Ka mau tonu ngā pakanga, engari kāore i te piki haere tonu hei pakanga nui.
4. Te āwhina i ngā tāne me ngā wāhine kia tipu tahi
Ehara i te mea ko te oranga tonutanga anake te whanaungatanga hauora, engari ko te oranga tonutanga hoki. Mā te whakawhirinaki ka taea e ia tangata te tipu, te whai i ngā whāinga, me te whakapai ake i a ia anō, me te kore e mataku kei pehia. Ina whakawhirinaki ngā hoa, kāore rātou e hiahia ki te whakahaere i ngā mea katoa. Ka taea e rātou te tautoko pono i ngā mahi, ngā hoahoa, ngā hiahia me ngā moemoeā o tētahi ki tētahi.
5. Kia mau tonu te piripono ā-hinengaro me te ā-tinana
Ko te whakawhirinaki te kūaha ki te whanaungatanga piripono. Ka puta te whanaungatanga piripono ina mōhio tātou he haumaru ki te whakaatu i ō tātou ngoikoretanga: ngā ngoikoretanga, ngā mamae o mua, ngā mataku, ngā hinganga rānei. Mai i reira, ka mahana ake te whanaungatanga piripono ā-tinana nā te whakamarie me te hononga kaha. Ki te kore he whakawhirinaki, ka ahua tawhito, ka ahua tauhou rānei te whanaungatanga piripono.
Ngā tohu o te whakawhirinaki kaha
Ko ngā whakapono pakari ka kitea i roto i ngā mahi o ia rā, hei tauira:
– Kāore ngā tāne me ngā wāhine e hiahia ana ki te tirotiro puku i ngā waea a tētahi ki tētahi.
– He tuwhera te ngākau ki ngā mea nunui, pērā i te pūtea me ngā mahere mō te ao.
– Ka taea e rāua te whakapāha me te whakatika i ngā hapa, kāore e whakakahoretia.
– He ōritetanga kei waenganui i ngā kupu me ngā mahi.
– E whakaute ana rāua i ngā rohe, hei tauira, mō te tūmataitinga, mō te wā whaiaro rānei.
– Mā te kōrerorero ka whakatauhia ngā tautohe, kaua mā te whakawehi kia wehe, mā te wā roa rānei e noho puku.
He aha te mea e pakaru ai te whakawhirinaki?
Ka taea te whakangaro āta, te whakangaro ohorere rānei i te whakawhirinaki. Ko ētahi o ngā huarahi tino noa e taea ai te whakangaro ko:
1. Ngā teka, ahakoa te iti. Ka ara ake he pātai nui i ngā teka iti e whakahuatia ana: "Ki te taea e koe te teka mō ngā mea iti, me pēhea rā ngā mea nunui?"
2. Te kore pono, te tinihanga rānei i te whakapau kaha. Kei roto i tēnei ko ngā whanaungatanga kare ā-roto e neke atu ana i ngā rohe, ehara i te mea ko ngā whanaungatanga ā-tinana anake.
3. Ngā kupu whakaari e kore e tutuki i ngā wā katoa. Mā te kore e pupuri i ngā kupu whakaari ki te tuku karere kuputuhi, ki te hoki ki te kāinga i te wā tika, ki te kore rānei e whakaoti i ngā kawenga ka memeha te whakawhirinaki.
4. Te kore mārama o ngā take nui, pērā i te nama, te whakamahinga moni, ngā take huna nui rānei.
5. Te tinihanga me te whakahāngai hau. Ina meinga tātou e te hoa kia ruarua mō ō tātou ake mooni, mō ō tātou kare ā-roto rānei, ka pakaru pea tō tātou whakawhirinaki me tō tātou whakaaro ki a tātou anō.
6. Te mana whakahaere nui rawa. He mea whakamīharo, ko te nui ake o te mana whakahaere o te tangata, ka ngaro te whakawhirinaki o te whanaungatanga nā te mea he wehi te pūtake, ehara i te whakawhirinaki.
Me pēhea te hanga whakawhirinaki i roto i te whanaungatanga
Me whai tukanga me te whakapau kaha ki te hanga whakawhirinaki. Anei ngā mahi ka taea e koe te mahi:
1. Kia pono, kia mārama hoki i roto i te huarahi hauora
Ehara te pono i te whakapuaki i ngā mea katoa me te kore he tātari, engari, kaua e huna i tetahi mea ka pā ki te whanaungatanga. Ko te māramatanga hoki he tikanga kia mārama koe ki te whakamārama mēnā he mea e whakararuraru ana i tō hoa, me te kore e tiaki i a koe anō.
2. Te mahi pūmau
Ko te whakawhirinakitanga ka hangaia mā ngā mahi, kaua mā ngā kupu. Ki te mea koe, "Ka huri ahau," whakaaturia taua huringa mā roto i ngā mahi tūturu, auau. He nui ake te mana o ngā mahi iti, auau, o ia rā, i ngā kupu whakaari nui e kore e tutukihia.
3. Puritia ngā herenga me te whai kawenga
Ki te hē koe, whakaae mai, ā, me whai kawenga. Kaua e rapu utu mō te hara. Ko te whakapāha pono me ngā whakapainga tūturu tētahi o ngā huarahi tino whai hua ki te whakahoki mai i te whakawhirinaki.
4. Whakautehia ngā rohe
He rerekē ngā rohe o te katoa. Kōrerohia ngā kaupapa tairongo pēnei i te whakahoahoa ki te ira tangata kē, ngā tikanga pāpāho pāpori, te tūmataitinga waea, me ērā atu mea. Mā ngā rohe kua whakaaetia ka mārama ake, ka haumaru ake hoki te whanaungatanga.
5. Whakaharatauhia te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero aroha
Ko te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero aroha he whakarongo hei mārama, ehara i te mea hei toa. Ina whakaatu tō hoa i te manukanuka, kaua e whakaiti i a rātou. Pātai atu ki a rātou he aha tā rātou e hiahia ana: "Me aha ahau kia pai ai tō noho haumaru?"
6. Hangaia he ahurea whakaute tetahi ki tetahi
Ka tupu te whakawhirinaki i roto i te taiao whakaute. Kaua e whakama tō hoa, i mua i te aroaro o ētahi atu, i runga rānei i ngā pāpāho pāpori. Whakautehia ō rātou whakaaro, ahakoa he rerekē ō rātou whakaaro.
Te whakatika i te whakawhirinakitanga pakaru
He uaua te whakatika i te whakawhirinaki, engari ehara i te mea kāore e taea. Ko te kī kei roto i ngā mea e toru: te whakaae, te pouri, me te whakarerekētanga tonu. Me tuku e te tangata hara he wāhi ki tōna hoa kia riri, kia pouri, kia pouri hoki, me te kore e akiaki i a ia kia "wareware wawe." I taua wā, me aromatawai te tangata i whara mēnā e hiahia ana ia ki te muru hara me te tuku whai wāhitanga, kaua e pupuri noa i te wehi kei ngaro te whanaungatanga.
I ētahi wā, mā te āwhina a tētahi atu rōpū, pērā i te kaiwhakatakoto whakaaro mō ngā tāne me ngā wāhine, ka āwhina i te tukanga whakaora, inā koa mēnā he kōrero teka nui, he puremu, he tauira whakawhitiwhiti kōrero kino rānei ngā take.
Whakamutunga
Ehara te whakawhirinaki i te mea hei whakapaipai i roto i te whanaungatanga, engari ko te tūāpapa e whakatau ana i te kounga me te roa o te hononga o te tokorua. Mā te whakawhirinaki, ka noho te whanaungatanga hei wāhi haumaru hei tipu, hei whakawhitiwhiti kōrero, hei whakamahere hoki mō te heke mai. Ki te kore he whakawhirinaki, ka ngāwari te kī o ngā whanaungatanga i te manukanuka me te pakanga e pau ai te kaha.
Ko te hanga whakawhirinakitanga he wā, he auau, me te maia ki te pono. Engari he pai te whakapau kaha, nā te mea ka whakatipu te whakawhirinakitanga kaha i tētahi whanaungatanga pakeke ake, mahana ake, me te whakamarie ake. Hei whakamutunga, ehara i te mea ko ngā kare ā-roto anake te mea e pā ana ki te aroha, engari ko te whiriwhiri hoki ki te manaaki tetahi i tetahi—ā, ko te whakawhirinakitanga te momo manaakitanga matua rawa atu.
