Ngā Huarahi Whai Hua hei Kōrero i roto i te Hononga Tawhiti
He maha ngā wā ka kiia he uaua ngā whanaungatanga tawhiti (LDR) nā te mea kāore e taea e ngā hoa te kite tetahi i tetahi i ngā wā katoa. Heoi, ko te wero matua i roto i ngā whanaungatanga tawhiti ehara i te tawhiti anake, engari ko te huarahi e kōrero ai rātou. Ina he iti te wā kanohi ki te kanohi, ka waiho te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero hei "piriti" e pupuri ana i te piripono, e whakaiti ana i ngā māramatanga kore, ā, e hanga ana i te wairua haumaru. Ko te rongo pai ko te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero whai hua ka taea te ako me te mahi. E matapakihia ana e tēnei tuhinga ngā huarahi whai hua hei pupuri i te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero hauora, mahana, me te whai hua i roto i te whanaungatanga tawhiti.
1. Whakahāngaitia ngā tumanakohanga mai i te tīmatanga
He maha ngā raruraru o te whanaungatanga tawhiti ehara i te mea nā te kore aroha, engari nā ngā tumanakohanga ngaro. Hei tauira, tera pea ka kitea e tetahi hoa he mea noa te kōrerorero i te rā katoa, ko tetahi ia e whakaaro ana he rawaka te tuku karere tetahi ki tetahi i te ata me te pō. Ka taea e tēnei rerekētanga te arahi ki ngā kare ā-roto o te kore aro, o te mana whakahaere rānei.
Ngāna ki te kōrero mō ngā mea taketake pēnei i:
– Kia pēhea te auau o tō whakawhitiwhiti kōrero i roto i te rā/wiki?
– He pai ake te kōrerorero, te waea, te waea ataata rānei?
– He aha ngā wā e pukumahi ana koe, ā, kāore e taea e koe te whakautu?
– He aha te mea e kiia ana he "noa" me te aha te mea e kiia ana he "rahi rawa"?
Ehara i te mea ko te whakarite i ngā tumanakohanga te tikanga o te waihanga i tētahi whanaungatanga pakari. Ina hoki, ko te mārama ake o te whakaaetanga, ko te iti ake o te wāhi mō te whakahāwea.
2. Waihangahia he "tikanga" whakawhitiwhiti kōrero pumau
I roto i te whanaungatanga tawhiti, mā te pumau ka puta te wairua haumaru. Kāore e hiahiatia kia roa, kia nui rawa rānei; ko te mea nui ko te auau. Ko ngā tikanga māmā pēnei i te waea 10-meneti i mua i te moe, he waea ataata i ia wiki mutunga, he tirotiro rānei i te ata ka taea te tautoko i ngā kare ā-roto.
Mā ēnei tikanga ka āwhina i tō hoa kia rite ki te mea nui. Ina ahua pukumahi ngā rā, ka taea e ēnei wā poto kua whakaritea te whakamahi hei whakamahara kei te atawhai tonuhia te whanaungatanga, ehara i te mea "ā muri ake nei ina wātea ahau".
3. He mea nui ake te kounga i te rahinga
Kāore te kōrerorero tonu e whakapakari i te whanaungatanga. Ko te mea nui ko te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero whai tikanga. Pātai atu ngā pātai e tino hiahia ana koe ki te mōhio, kaua ko ngā kōrero noa iho.
Ngā tauira o ngā pātai hei whakanui ake i te whanaungatanga:
– “He aha te mea tino hoha i tēnei rā?”
– “He wā tēnei e whakahīhī ana koe i tēnei rā?”
– “Me pēhea taku āwhina i a koe kia marino?”
Mā ngā pātai pēnei ka huaki te wāhi mō te whakapuaki i ngā kare ā-roto, ehara i te mea ko ngā pūrongo mahi anake.
4. Whakamahia he momo whakawhitiwhiti kōrero mārama, motuhake hoki
He ngāwari te whakamāoritanga hē o ngā tuhinga nā te kore o te reo me ngā āhua o te kanohi. Ka puta pea ngā rerenga poto he makariri, he whakatoi, he riri rānei, ahakoa kāore. Nō reira, whakaharatau ki te kōrero mārama, kia tika hoki.
Engari i te kī, "Kua huri koe," ngana ki te whakarerekē ki:
– “Ki taku whakaaro kāore tāua i te kōrero nui i ēnei rā. Kei te ngaro koe i ahau, ā, e hiahia ana ahau ki te whai wā motuhake.”
Engari, "Ahakoa pēhea," ngana:
– “Me whai wā poto ahau ki te marino. Ka whakautu ahau i te 9 karaka, kei te pai?”
Mā te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero motuhake ka whakaitihia te raruraru kore e hiahiatia.
5. Kaua e karo i te pakanga, engari me whakahaere me pēhea te whawhai.
He mea noa te pakanga i roto i te whanaungatanga tawhiti. Ko te mea mōrearea ko te āhua o tō whakahaere: mā te ngaro atu, te kore aro, te whakapae rānei. Ina puta he raruraru, whiriwhiria te wā tika hei kōrero mō ēnei raruraru, inā koa mēnā he rerekētanga rohe wā.
Ko ētahi ture hauora i te wā o te pakanga:
– Kaua e whakatau i ngā raruraru nui mā te kōrero roa; whakamahia te waea, te waea ataata rānei.
– Arotahi ki tētahi raruraru, kaua e hurahia ngā hapa katoa o mua.
– Whakamahia te rerenga kōrero “Kei te rongo ahau…” hei utu mō te “kei te mau tonu koe…”.
– Ki te kaha rawa ngā kare ā-roto, me okioki, ka whakatau āhea me kōrero tonu.
Ko te whāinga o te pakanga ehara i te mea kia toa i te tautohe, engari kia kitea he huarahi hei whakarite kia noho haumaru te whanaungatanga mō ngā taha e rua.
6. Hangaia te whakawhirinaki me te māramatanga whaitake
Ko te whakawhirinaki te tūāpapa o te whanaungatanga tawhiti. Heoi, he rerekē te whakawhirinaki i te tirotiro. Ko te māramatanga hauora ko te tuwhera ki ngā mea nui—tō kaupapa mahi, ō mahere, ō hoahoa—me te kore e hanga i tō hoa hei "kaitiaki haumaru" e hiahia ana kia mōhio ki ngā taipitopito katoa.
Ka taea e koe te hanga i tētahi wairua haumaru mā roto i ngā tikanga iti:
– Mēnā ka roa tō pukumahi, whakamōhio mai.
– He pakiwaitara poto mō tētahi mahi, mō tētahi wairua rānei.
– Puritia ngā kupu whakaari whakawhitiwhiti kōrero kua whakaaetia.
Ki te mea he pūtake o te hae, kōrerohia hei kare ā-roto e tika ana kia mārama, kaua e whakamahia hei patu hei whakapae.
7. Whakamahia te hangarau, engari kaua e whakawhirinaki katoa ki a ia.
Mā te hangarau ka noho tata tonu ngā whanaungatanga tawhiti: ngā waea ataata, ngā tuhipoka reo, te tohatoha i ngā wāhi i a tātou e haereere ana, te mātaki kiriata tahi, te tākaro kēmu tahi rānei. Mā ngā mahi tahi ka tino pono te whanaungatanga, ahakoa te tawhiti e wehe ana i a tātou.
Heoi anō, he mea nui anō hoki kia kaua e waiho te hangarau hei pūtake mō te whanaungatanga. Mēnā kua ngenge tetahi o ngā hoa, ā, kāore e taea te ipurangi, kaua te whanaungatanga e "pakaru" tonu. Mā te taurite i waenga i te whanaungatanga me te wāhi whaiaro ka roa ake te mau o ngā whanaungatanga.
8. Whakaaturia te aroha i roto i te "reo" e mārama ana tō hoa.
He rerekē ngā huarahi e whiwhi ai te katoa i te aroha: ngā kupu whakaū, te wā kounga, ngā koha, ngā mahi atawhai, te pā atu rānei. I roto i te whanaungatanga tawhiti, ko te pā atu te mea tino uaua ki te whakatutuki, nō reira me auaha koe.
Tauira māmā:
– Ki te pai tō hoa ki ngā kupu whakaū: tukuna he karere whakamihi, kaua ko ngā kupu "whakamiharo" anake.
– Ki te pai tō hoa ki te wā kounga: whakaritea he rā mariko, kaua he mea hei whakararuraru.
– Ki te pai tō hoa ki ngā koha: tukuna atu tētahi mea whaiaro, pērā i tētahi pukapuka tino pai ki a koe, i tētahi reta rānei i tuhia ā-ringa.
Ko te mea nui ko te auau me te pono, ehara i te rahi o te mahi.
9. Kōrerohia ngā mahere mō te whakatutuki me ngā whāinga whanaungatanga.
He maha ngā wā ka ngenge te tangata i tētahi whanaungatanga tawhiti, kāore he aronga mārama, nā te mea e rite ana ki te "tatari me te kore he tino mōhio." Nō reira, ko te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero whai hua kei roto hoki ko ngā kōrero pono mō te wā ka taea e kōrua te tūtaki me te huarahi e anga atu ai te whanaungatanga.
Kāore e hiahiatia kia kōrerohia tonutia mō te marena, engari ka taea e kōrua te kōrero mō:
– Te rārangi wā mō te haerenga e whai ake nei.
– Whakaritea ngā penapena mō ngā haerenga.
– Te āheinga ki te neke tāone, ki te whakakotahi rānei i ngā mahere mō te wā roa.
Mā te whai mahere ka rite te whanaungatanga ki tōna heke mai, ehara i te mea ko te oranga tonutanga noa iho.
10. Kia mau tonu tō oranga tūmataiti kia ora ai te whanaungatanga.
I roto i te whanaungatanga tawhiti, tera pea ka waiho tō hoa hei pūtake harikoa anake, ka arahi atu ki te whakaroa i te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero ahakoa he iti noa iho. Me whai pumau anō hoki te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero whai hua: te pupuri i tētahi mahinga, i ngā hoa, i te mahi, me ngā hākinakina.
Ina pumau tō oranga, ka kōrero koe ki tō hoa rangatira mai i tētahi tirohanga hauora ake—ehara i te mea nā te wehi, te whakapae, te mokemoke nui rānei. Ka noho te whanaungatanga hei wāhi tipu, ehara i te wāhi e whakawhirinaki tahi ai tetahi ki tetahi.
Te Katinga
I roto i te whanaungatanga tawhiti, ehara te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero i te mea ko ngā karere kuputuhi auau, ko ngā waea roa rānei, engari ko te mārama, te rite tonu, me te aroha. Mā te whakarite i ngā tumanakohanga, te whakatū tikanga auau, te whakatau i ngā pakanga i runga i te pakeketanga, me te pupuri i te whakawhirinaki me te kore e whakahaere rawa, ka taea e te whanaungatanga tawhiti te noho hei whanaungatanga kaha me te whai tikanga. Tērā pea ka whakawhāitihia e te tawhiti te whakapā tinana, engari mā te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero whai hua ka taea te pupuri i te piripono o ngā kare ā-roto—ā, ka whakapakari ake i te whanaungatanga i te mea ka ako ngā taha e rua ki te mārama, ki te whakarongo, me te maioha tetahi ki tetahi.
Ki te hiahia koe, ka taea e au te whakarerekē i tēnei tuhinga ki tētahi momo kōrero ōkawa/ōkawa ake, ka tāpirihia rānei he tauira kōrero me ngā tohutohu mō ngā tāne me ngā wāhine i ngā rohe wā rerekē.
