Me pēhea te tautuhi me te whakatau i te Gaslighting
Ko te Gaslighting he momo whakahaere hinengaro e whakararuraru ana i te tangata i tōna ake mahara, tirohanga, whakatau, tae atu ki te hinengaro pai. I ahu mai te kupu i te whakaari me te kiriata Gaslight, e meinga ana e te kaipahua te patunga kia "porangi" mā te whakarerekē i ngā taipitopito iti, kātahi ka whakakahoretia. I te ao tūturu, ka puta te gaslighting i roto i ngā whanaungatanga aroha, te whānau, ngā hoahoa, ngā wāhi mahi, tae atu ki ngā wāhi matihiko. Nā te mea ka puta puhoi, ā, he maha ngā wā ka hunaia hei "whakaaro pai," he uaua ki te kite i te gaslighting. Ka matapakihia e tēnei tuhinga me pēhea te tautuhi i ngā tohu, ōna pānga, me ngā mahi whai hua hei wikitoria.
He aha te Gaslighting, ā, me pēhea te mahi?
He tauira auau te mahi a te Gaslighting: ka whakapohehe te kaiwhakatoi i ngā meka, ka whakakahore i te kaupapa, ka huri rānei i te whakapae, ka meinga te patunga kia ruarua i a ia anō. I roto i te wā, ka whakaaro pea te patunga kāore e taea te whakatau me te kore "whakaae" a te kaiwhakatoi. Kāore ngā Gaslighting e ahua pukuriri i ngā wā katoa; ko ētahi e ahua marino ana, e whakamarie ana, e "whakaaro nui ana", e whakaatu ana i te patunga he kare ā-roto, he kaha rawa rānei te whakaū i a ia e ngana ana ki te tiaki i tōna mooni.
Ka taea e tēnei mahi tinihanga te whakaatu noa ("Kei te tito noa koe, kāore i tupu"), te huna rānei ("He tino tairongo koe, he kata noa iho taku"). He rite tonu te whāinga: kia ngaro te whakapono o te patunga ki tana ake whakatau, kia ngāwari ake ai te whakahaere.
Ngā tohu o te hauhanga hau hei tirotiro māu
Anei ētahi tohu noa o te hauātanga hau. Kāore te tohu kotahi e tohu ana i te hauātanga hau, engari he mea tika kia tirohia he tauira ōrite.
1. He maha ngā wā e whakakahore ana i ngā meka, i ngā kaupapa rānei e kitea whānuitia ana
Kāore te kaihara e whakaae ki tētahi mea i kitea, i rangona, i pā ki a koe. Hei tauira, ka kī pea rātou kāore anō kia kōrerotia e rātou tētahi rerenga kōrero ahakoa e tino mōhio ana koe ki tēnā.
2. Te huri i te kōrero me te neke i te arotahi
Ina kōrero koe mō te whanonga whara, ka huri te kaihara i te kaupapa ki tō he. Hei tauira, "E riri ana ahau nāu i whakapataritari i a ia," kaua ki te aro ki āna ake mahi.
3. Whakaitihia ō kare ā-roto
Ko ngā kīanga pēnei i te "Kei te nui rawa tō tauhohenga," "He nui rawa ō kare ā-roto," "He nui rawa ō whakaari" ka whakamahia hei whakakore i ō kare ā-roto. Ko ngā kare ā-roto, he tauhohenga tūturu ki te āhuatanga e pā ana.
4. Ka meinga koe kia whakaaro kei te hē tonu koe, ā, me whakapāha koe.
He maha ngā wā ka mutu ka whakapāha koe ahakoa ko koe te tangata i whara i te tuatahi. E mea ana te kaipahua kia whakapono koe nāu te take o te pakanga.
5. Te whakamahi i te 'arorau' hei whakaheke i te mana
Tērā pea ka mea te kaiwhakatoi, "Kāore tēnā i te mārama ki te titiro," te kī rānei "Me i tika tō hinengaro, e kore koe e whakaaro pēnā." Ehara tēnei i te kōrero hauora, engari he huarahi hei whakahaere i te kōrero.
6. Te wehe i a koe mai i te tautoko pāpori
Tērā pea ka whakaiti te kaitūkino i ō hoa/whānau (“E hae ana rātou ki a tātou,” “Kei te whai mana rātou ki a koe”) kia whakawhirinaki ai koe ki a ia anake.
7. Ka meinga koe kia ruarua i tō mahara me tō pūmanawa
Ka tīmata koe ki te whakaaro pinepine, "Tērā pea kei te hē taku maumahara ki ētahi mea," ahakoa mō ngā mea māmā noa iho. Tērā pea ka tuhi koe i ngā tuhipoka, ka tuhi rānei i ngā kōrerorero i te wehi kei hē koe.
8. Te whakamoemiti, kātahi ka whakatakoto ki raro (tauira pana-tōia)
Ka taea e te kaihara te tino reka i tētahi wā, kātahi ka whakaiti i tētahi wā. Mā tēnei tauira ka whai tonu te patunga i te "putanga pai" o te kaihara.
Ngā tauira o te whakakā hau i roto i ngā horopaki rerekē
– I roto i tētahi whanaungatanga aroha: ka mea te hoa, "Kāore au e takaro ana, he hae noa koe," ahakoa he mārama ngā taunakitanga o ngā karere takaro.
– I roto i te whānau: ka mea ngā mātua, “Kāore koe i patua, he nui rawa noa iho tō tauhohenga,” ina mahara koe ki tētahi huihuinga tutu i puta.
– I te mahi: ka whakakahoretia e tō rangatira ngā tohutohu i hoatu i mua, kātahi ka whakapae i a koe mō ngā hua kāore i te pai.
– I roto i ngā whakahoahoa: ka mea ngā hoa, "Kāore au e aukati ana i a koe, kei te whakaaro tonu koe he patunga koe," ahakoa kāore rātou i te āta karanga i a koe kia haere mai.
Te pānga o te gaslighting ki te hauora hinengaro
Ka pā kino pea ngā hua kino o te whakamahi i te hauātanga, ina koa mēnā ka roa te wā e mau tonu ana:
– Te manukanuka me te ahotea mau tonu, nā te mea kei te ruarua tonu koe i te mea "tika".
– Te hekenga o te whakaaro ki a ia anō, te koretake o te whakaaro, me te kore e whakawhirinakihia.
– Te rangirua o te tuakiri, te uaua ki te mōhio ki ngā hiahia me ngā rohe whaiaro.
– Ngā tohu o te pouri, pērā i te ngaro o te hihiri, te kore tumanako, te wehe atu rānei.
– Te mamae o te whanaungatanga, te uaua ki te whakawhirinaki ki ētahi atu me te whakawhirinaki ki a koe anō.
I ētahi tāngata, ka taea e te wheako o te hauhanga hau te whakaoho i te urupare whara: te mataara nui, te mataku, te whakaaro hara rānei mō te kore take.
Me pēhea te tautuhi tika ake i te gaslighting
Hei karo i te mau i roto i te pōhēhē, me mahi i ēnei mahi:
1. Rapua ngā tauira, kaua ngā takahanga takitahi.
He mea auau te whakahāwea i te hau. Pātai atu ki a koe anō: he maha tonu ana wā e whakaiti ana ia i ō kare ā-roto, e whakakahore ana i ngā meka, ā, e mea ana kia ruarua koe i a koe anō?
2. Whakamahia he "tirotiro mooni" me tētahi rōpū pono.
Kōrerohia te āhuatanga ki tētahi hoa tata, ki tētahi mema o te whānau, ki tētahi kaiwhakatakoto whakaaro whaitake rānei. I ētahi wā, ka āwhina te tirohanga ā-waho ki te aromatawai mēnā he tika, he tinihanga rānei te mea e tupu ana.
3. Tuhia ngā kaupapa nui
Mā te pupuri i tētahi puka poto mō ngā rā, ngā kaupapa, me ō whakautu ka āwhina i te pupuri i te māramatanga. Ehara tēnei i te mea hei "whiu" i ētahi atu, engari hei tiaki i tō ake hinengaro pai.
4. Mātakihia tō tinana me ngā urupare kare ā-roto.
Mena i ia wā e taunekeneke ana koe ka pāngia koe e te manukanuka, te wehi ki te kōrero, te whakama rānei i ngā wā katoa, he tohu nui tēnā hei arotake.
Ngā rautaki mō te whakahaere haumaru me te whai hua i te hauhanga hau
Ko te whakatau i te hauhanga me whai i te kaha o te māia, te tautoko pāpori, me ētahi whakataunga nui. Anei ētahi rautaki ka taea e koe te whakamātau:
1. Whakamanahia tō ake wheako
Mea atu ki a koe anō: "He tika ōku kare ā-roto," "He tika taku kia pōhēhē, kia mamae hoki," "Ka taea e au te whakawhirinaki ki aku kitenga." Mā tēnei ka āwhina i te whakahoki mai i te whakapono ki a au anō.
2. Whakatakotoria he rohe mārama
Tauira o ngā herenga:
– “Kāore au e haere tonu te kōrero mēnā ka tawai koe, ka whakaiti rānei i ōku kare ā-roto.”
– “Ki te whakakahore koe, ka huri i ngā kōrero pono, ka mutu taku kōrero i te tuatahi, ka haere tonu ina marino tāua.”
Ko te kī ki ngā rohe ko te ōritetanga: he maha ngā wā ka warewarehia ngā rohe, ki te kore he mahi whai muri.
3. Whakamahia he whakawhitiwhiti kōrero poto, pakari hoki
Kaua e mau ki ngā tautohetohe roa, hoha. Ka taea e koe te kī:
– “Kāore au e whakaae ki tāu putanga.”
– “He rerekē taku mahara.”
– “Kāti tāua i te tuatahi, me whai wā ahau.”
Ehara te whāinga i te toa i te tautohetohe, engari he tiaki i tō āhua hinengaro.
4. Whakaitihia te whakawhirinaki ā-hinengaro me te whakawhirinaki ā-tinana
Ki te taea, whakapakarihia te tautoko o waho: ngā whanaungatanga hauora, ngā mahi, te tū motuhake ā-pūtea, me ngā wāhi haumaru. Ka nui ake tō whakawhirinaki ki te kaitūkino, ka uaua ake te puta atu i te huringa.
5. Rapua he āwhina ngaio
Ka taea e te tohunga hinengaro, e te kaiwhakatakoto whakaaro rānei te āwhina i a koe ki te kite i ngā tauira o te tinihanga, te whakahoki mai i te whakaaro nui ki a koe anō, me te whakawhanake i tētahi mahere haumaru (ina koa mēnā he tukino ā-hinengaro/ā-tinana).
6. Whakaarohia te tawhiti, te whakamutu rānei i te whanaungatanga
Ki te kore te kaiwhakatoi e whakaae ki te kawenga, ki te mahi tonu i te whanonga, ki te kino haere rānei te āhua, he kōwhiringa hauora te whakatū tawhiti. Ehara i te mea kei te "hinga" koe i te whakamutu i te whanaungatanga, engari kei te whiriwhiri koe i tō haumaru hinengaro.
Āhea te wā e huri ai te hauhanga hei haki whero nui?
He maha ngā wā ka puta te whakahāwea hau i te taha o ētahi atu momo tukino: te mana whakahaere nui, ngā whakawehi, te tutei, te aukati i te kite i ētahi tāngata, te tutu tinana rānei. Ki te mea kei te whakaaro koe kāore koe i te haumaru, ko tō haumaru te mea nui rawa atu māu. Whakapā atu ki tētahi tangata pono, ki tētahi ratonga tohutohu, ki tētahi tari tautoko tukino ā-rohe rānei. Ki te mea he tūmomo whakawehi tonu, rapua tonutia he āwhina ohorere ā-rohe.
Te Katinga
Me māia koe ki te tautuhi me te whakatika i te gaslighting nā te mea ehara i te mea ka mamae noa koe i ōna pānga engari ka whakaroa hoki koe i a koe anō. Mā te mōhio ki ngā tohu, te kite i ngā tauira, te rapu tautoko, me te whakatakoto i ngā rohe pumau, ka taea e koe te whakahoki mai i te whakapono ki tō tirohanga ki a koe anō me tō uara. E tika ana kia whiwhi koe i tētahi whanaungatanga haumaru, ōrite, ā, e whakaute ana i te mooni o tō wheako—kaua e meinga koe kia "porangi" mō te ngana kia rangona koe.
Ki te hiahia koe, ka taea e au te āwhina i a koe ki te waihanga i tētahi putanga motuhake ake o tēnei tuhinga—hei tauira, te whakamāori i ngā whanaungatanga, te whānau, te wāhi mahi rānei—me ngā tauira kōrero e pā ana ki te horopaki me ngā mahi whai hua.
