Te Āwhina a te Tohutohu ki te Whakaae ki a Koe Anō
Ko te whakaae ki a koe anō ko te kaha ki te whakaae katoa ki a koe anō—tae atu ki ō tātou kaha, ngoikoretanga, wheako o mua, kare ā-roto whakamā, me ngā wāhanga o tātou anō i huna, i whakakahoretia rānei e tātou. He tokomaha te hunga e whakaaro ana ko te whakaae ki a koe anō he tikanga "te tuku" he "te whakamutu rānei i te tipu." Inaa, ko te whakaae ki a koe anō he tūāpapa hauora mō te tipu, nā te mea ko te huringa roa rawa atu ka puta mai i te māramatanga, ehara i te mauahara ki a koe anō.
I roto i tēnei tukanga, kāore e taea e te katoa te whakaae ki a rātou anō. He patunga, he tauira whakaaro, he wheako uaua rawa atu kāore e taea te whakatau mā te "whakaaro pai" noa iho. Koinei te wāhi e uru mai ai te tohutohu: ka whakaratohia he wāhi haumaru, he hanganga, he wāhi tautoko hoki mō ngā tāngata takitahi kia kitea ai rātou anō, kia tukatukahia ō rātou kare ā-roto, kia hanga hononga hauora ake ki a rātou anō. Ka matapakihia e tēnei tuhinga te huarahi e taea ai e te tohutohu te āwhina i ngā tāngata takitahi ki te neke ki te whakaae ki a rātou anō he pono ake, he pumau ake hoki.
1. Mā te kaupapa tohutohu ka whakaratohia he wāhi haumaru hei pono ki a koe anō.
Ko tētahi o ngā arai nui ki te whakaae ki a ia anō ko te wehi ki te whakaae ki ngā mea e kiia ana he "kino," pērā i te hae, te riri, te manukanuka, te whakama, te whara o mua rānei. He maha ngā tāngata e ako ana mai i te tamarikitanga kāore e tika kia whakaaturia ētahi kare ā-roto, me huna rānei ngā hapa me ngā ngoikoretanga kia "tika" tonu ai te aroha.
I roto i te mahi tohutohu, ka hangaia e te kaiwhakatakoto whakaaro, e te tohunga hinengaro rānei tētahi wāhi haumaru—he wāhi haumaru hei kōrero me te kore e wehi kei whakahengia. Ina rongo te tangata i te haumaru, ka hiahia ake rātou ki te kōrero pono: "Kei te ngenge ahau," "Kei te whakaaro ahau kāore i te tino pai," "Kei te pouri ahau ki ahau anō," "Kei te wehi ahau kei whakarērea ahau." Ehara tēnei momo pono i te tohu ngoikore, engari ko te taahiraa tuatahi ki te whakaae ki a koe anō. Kāore e taea e koe te whakaae ki tētahi mea kāore koe e whakaae.
2. Āwhina ki te tautuhi i te pūtake o te raruraru, kaua ko ngā tohu anake
He maha ngā tāngata e aro ana ki ngā tohu: te riri, te hiahia kia tino tika, te iti o te whakaaro ki a ia anō, te whakataurite tonu rānei. Mā te tohutohu ka kite tātou i ngā tauira kei muri i ēnei tohu: te wāhi i ahu mai ai, te wā i tīmata ai, me te tūranga o aua tohu i roto i ō tātou oranga.
Hei tauira, ko te hiahia kia tino tika te āhua, ehara i te mea he "hiahia kia ātaahua," engari he rautaki hei karo i ngā whakahē, i te whakama, i te whakakorenga rānei. Ko te tikanga o te whakataurite i a koe anō ka puta mai i te tipu ake i roto i te taiao uaua. Ina mārama te pūtake o te raruraru, ka kite te tangata he maha o ā rātou whanonga "whakararuraru" he tikanga whakatau i ngā wā o mua. Mā tēnei māramatanga ka whakangawari i te whakatau i a koe anō, ā, ka huaki te kuaha ki te whakaae ki a koe anō me te aroha.
3. Werohia te kairīti ā-roto, ā, hangaia he kōrero ā-roto hauora ake.
Ko te reo whakahē o roto he reo whakahē ā-roto: "He kuware koe," "Ka hinga tonu koe," "Kāore koe e tika kia arohaina." Ka tino whakapono te reo nei nā te mea he maha ngā wā i ahu mai i ngā wheako roa—te whakahē a ngā mātua, te tukino, ngā hinganga whakama, ngā paerewa pāpori tukino rānei.
I roto i te mahi tohutohu, ka āwhinahia ngā kiritaki ki te mōhio ki te wā e puta mai ai te whakahē ā-roto, he aha te mea e whakaoho ana i taua whakahē, me te pānga ki ō rātou kare ā-roto me ō rātou whanonga. Kātahi ka āwhina te kaitohutohu i a rātou ki te whakamātautau i te tika o ēnei whakaaro: he pono rānei "ka hinga tonu rātou"? He taunakitanga kei te rerekē? He pono rānei ngā paerewa e whakamahia ana?
Ko te whāinga o te mahi tohutohu ehara i te mea kia "māia tonu" te tangata i ngā wā katoa, engari kia hanga he kōrero ā-roto taurite ake: te whakakapi i te whakaiti i a ia anō ki te kōrero pakari engari whakaute. He mea nui tēnei mō te whakaae ki a ia anō, nā te mea kāore e taea te tupu te whakaae ki a ia anō i roto i te taiao ā-roto e kī ana i te tukino ā-waha.
4. Ka whakaako i ngā pūkenga ki te whakahaere i ngā kare ā-roto me te kore e pehi, e pahū rānei.
Ehara i te mea ko te whakaae ki a koe anō te mea e pā ana ki te whakaae ki tō āhua, ki tō tinana rānei, engari ko te whakaae hoki ki ō kare ā-roto. He maha ngā tāngata e whakahē ana i ētahi kare ā-roto nā te mea e kiia ana he mea whakama, he "kore wairua rānei." Ko ētahi e pehi ana i ō rātou kare ā-roto kia kore rawa e mārama, ko ētahi e whakaatu ana i aua kare ā-roto mā te pahūtanga, te whanonga ohorere, te whara rānei i a rātou anō.
Mā te tohutohu ka āwhina ngā kiritaki ki te tautuhi i ngā kare ā-roto, te tāpiri i ngā tapanga ki a rātou, te mārama ki ā rātou karere, me te kimi huarahi hei whakapuaki haumaru i a rātou. Hei tauira, ka taea te mārama ki te riri hei tohu mō te takahi i ngā rohe whaiaro; ka taea e te pouri te tohu i te ngaronga kāore anō kia tukatukahia; ā, ka taea e te manukanuka te tohu i te hiahia mō te haumaru.
Ina taea e te tangata te noho tahi me ōna kare ā-roto (kaua e whawhai, e rere rānei), ka ako ia ki te whakaae ki tōna āhua tangata. Koinei te tūāpapa o te whakaae ki a ia anō: "E whakaaetia ana ahau kia pēnei te āhua, ā, kei te tika tonu ahau."
5. Āwhina ki te hanga i tētahi tuakiri whaiaro pono ake
He tino kino rawa te whakaaro o ētahi ki a rātou anō: e whakaaro tonu ana rātou kāore i te rawaka, kāore i te ātaahua, kāore hoki i te kaha. Ko ētahi e whakawhirinaki ana ki te whakamanatanga o waho: ka "pai" noa iho rātou ina whakanuia, ina whakaaetia rānei. Ka pakarukaru te tuakiri o te tangata nā ēnei mea e rua.
Mā te mahi tohutohu, ka akiakihia ngā kiritaki kia whakawhanake i tētahi tirohanga pono ake, whānui ake hoki mō rātou anō. Ko te tikanga o te pono ko te mōhio ki ngā kaha me te kore e whakakore i ngā ngoikoretanga, me te whakaae ki aua kaha me te kore e whakaiti i te mana o rātou anō. He maha ngā wā ka uru atu ki tēnei tukanga te tūhura i ō uara oranga: he aha te mea nui ki a koe? He aha ngā mātāpono e hiahia ana koe kia mau? He aha te momo oranga e hiahia ana koe kia hanga?
Ina ahu mai te tuakiri i te whakaaro nui ki a ia anō me te māramatanga, kaua i ngā whakatau a ētahi atu, ka pumau ake te whakaae ki a ia anō.
6. Wetekina ngā patunga o mua, ā, hangaia te aroha ki a koe anō
He maha ngā uauatanga o te whakaae ki a koe anō i ahu mai i ngā wheako o mua: te whakakorenga, te whakarērea, te kōrero kino, te mamae, te nui rawa o ngā tumanakohanga. Ka hangaia e ēnei patunga ngā whakapono pēnei i te "Kāore au i te rawaka," "Me whakamanawareka ahau i te katoa kia ora ai," "Ki te hē ahau, ka whakarērea ahau."
Mā te tohutohu ka āwhina ngā kiritaki ki te tukatuka haere i ēnei wheako, kia rite ki ō rātou ake hiahia. Mā te tautoko ngaio, ka taea e ngā kiritaki te kite ehara i te mea nā rātou anake te he o te mea i tupu, ā, me pai ake te maimoatanga mō rātou—tae atu ki a rātou anō. Koinei te wāhi e whanake ai te aroha ki a ia anō: te kaha ki te atawhai i a koe anō me te mea he hoa e pāngia ana e te pouri.
Ehara te aroha ki a ia anō i te whakapati i a ia anō, engari he whakamarie i a ia anō me te kore e wareware i ōna kawenga. Ko te hunga aroha ki a ia anō he kaha ake ki te huri i a rātou anō nā te mea kāore rātou e mauheretia e te whakama nui.
7. Āwhina ki te whakatakoto i ngā rohe hauora
Ko te uaua ki te whakaae ki a koe anō he mea hono tonu ki te tikanga o te patu i a koe anō kia whakaaetia ai koe e ētahi atu. Tērā pea ka mea te tangata "āe" ina tino hiahia ana ia ki te kī kāo, i te wehi kei pouri, i te whakama rānei mō te whakarite i ōna ake hiahia. Nō reira, ka ngenge ia, ka riri puku ki a ia anō.
Mā te tohutohu ka āwhina ngā kiritaki ki te mōhio ki ō rātou ake mana whaiaro: te mana ki te kī kāo, te mana ki te whai whakaaro, te mana ki te okioki, me te mana ki te whiriwhiri i ngā whanaungatanga hauora. Ina taea e te tangata te whakatū rohe, ka tukuna e rātou he karere kaha ki a rātou anō: "He mea nui aku hiahia." Ka whakapakari tēnei karere i te whakaae ki a koe anō nā te mea ka mutu tāu whakaaro ki a koe anō he mea me whai tonu i ngā tikanga.
8. Hangaia ngā huringa āta haere, me te ine hoki
Ehara te whakaae ki a koe anō i te kaupapa kotahi wiki te roa. Ka whanake mā roto i ngā mahi iti, auau. Mā te tohutohu ka āwhina i te hanganga o te tukanga: te whakatakoto whāinga whaitake, te aroturuki i te ahunga whakamua, me te aromatawai i ngā arai. Hei tauira, ko ngā whāinga ka uru pea ki te whakaiti i te whakataurite i a koe anō, te ako ki te kōrero mārie ki a koe anō, te whakaharatau rānei i te whakatere i ngā āhuatanga pāpori me te kore e huna tonu i a koe.
Ka āwhina hoki ngā kaiwhakatakoto whakaaro i ngā kiritaki kia mārama ko ngā hinganga ehara i te mea he kore angitu, engari he wāhanga o te tukanga. He mea nui te āhua o te urupare a te tangata ki ngā hinganga: ka hoki anō rātou ki te whiu i a rātou anō, ka awhi rānei i a rātou anō me te māramatanga?
Whakamutunga: Ko te tohutohu hei piriti ki te tangata tino tika
Mā te tohutohu ka āwhina i te whakaae ki a koe anō, ehara i te mea mā te "whakarerekē i a koe hei tangata kē," engari mā te āwhina i a koe kia hoki ki te kāinga - kia pono ake, kia mārie ake, kia pakeke ake. Mā te wāhi haumaru, te mārama ki ngā pūtake, te whakahaere i ngā kare ā-roto, te wetewete i tō kaitukino ā-roto, te whakaora i ngā patunga o mua, me te whakamahi i ngā rohe hauora, ka whakakaha te tohutohu i te turanga o te whakaae pono ki a koe anō.
Mena kei te raru koe ki te whakaae ki a koe anō, ā, kua tīmata te whakararuraru i tō oranga o ia rā—hei tauira, ō whanaungatanga, mahi, hauora hinengaro rānei—he mahi maia te rapu āwhina ngaio, ehara i te tohu ngoikore. Ehara te whakaae ki a koe anō i te mea he tino tika koe; engari he mōhio he tangata koe, ā, he tika kia whakautehia, kia arohaina, kia tohea hoki—ina koa e koe anō.
