Me pēhea te whakapai ake i te kounga o ngā whanaungatanga mā te tohutohu
Kāore ngā whanaungatanga hauora e tupu noa iho. E hangai ana ki te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero tonu, te māramatanga o te katoa, te kaha ki te whakahaere i ngā pakanga, me te whakapau kaha ki te tipu tahi. Heoi, ko te mea pono he maha ngā tāne me ngā wāhine, ngā whānau, me ngā hoahoa e pāngia ana e ngā wero e uaua ana ki te whakatau mā te "kōrero noa iho." Koinei te wāhi e whai wāhi mai ai te tohutohu. Ehara te tohutohu i te wāhi hei whakaputa i ō rātou whakaaro, engari he tukanga hanganga e āwhina ana i ngā tāngata takitahi, i ngā tāne me ngā wāhine rānei kia mārama ki ngā tauira whanaungatanga, kia whakawhanake i ngā pūkenga whakawhitiwhiti kōrero, kia kitea hoki ngā huarahi hou hei hanga whanaungatanga mahana ake, haumaru ake, me te whai tikanga ake.
1. Mā te tohutohu ka mārama ki te pūtake o te raruraru, kaua ko ngā tohu anake.
I roto i ngā whanaungatanga, he maha ngā wā ka puta ake ngā raruraru i te mata: ngā tautohetohe iti, te makariri, te hoha, te whakapae tetahi i tetahi. Heoi, ko te tikanga, ko ēnei tohu ka ahu mai i ngā pūtake hohonu ake, pērā i ngā hiahia kare ā-roto rerekē, ngā wheako o mua, ngā momo whakatipu tamariki, te whara, te āhua rānei o te whakahaere a ia hoa i te ahotea.
Ka āwhina ngā kaiārahi ki te hura i ngā tino pūtake o te pakanga. Hei tauira, ko te tokorua e whawhai tonu ana mō ngā take iti noa iho, kei te raru pea rātou i ngā hiahia whakaute, i ngā hiahia haumaru rānei kāore anō kia tutuki. Mā te mārama ki te pūtake o te raruraru, ka whai kiko ake, ka pumau ake hoki ngā otinga—ehara i te mea he whakatikatika rangitahi noa iho.
2. Whakapai ake i te kounga o te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero i roto i ngā tikanga tūturu
Ko tētahi o ngā painga nui o te tohutohu ko te whakapai ake i te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero. He maha ngā pakanga whanaungatanga e puta mai ana ehara i te mea nā ngā rerekētanga whakaaro, engari nā ngā huarahi kōrero mamae, ārai, kāore rānei i te mārama. Mā te tohutohu ka akohia ngā pūkenga kōrero hauora, pēnei i:
– Whakarongo hohe: whakarongo pono, kaua e tatari kia wā ki te kōrero.
– Te whakamahi i ngā kōrero “ahau”: “E pouri ana ahau ina…” kaua ko “Ko koe tonu…”.
– Te whakamana i ngā kare ā-roto: te whakaae ki ngā kare ā-roto o tō hoa ahakoa kāore koe e whakaae i ngā wā katoa ki ō rātou whakaaro.
– Te pātai mō ngā hiahia motuhake: kaua e tumanako ka "mōhio" tō hoa ki ngā mea e hiahiatia ana e ia.
Mā te mahi tonu, ka nui ake te aroha me te whai hua o te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero. Ka māmā ake te whanaungatanga nā te mea ka rongohia, ka māramahia hoki te katoa.
3. Āwhina ki te whakahaere i te pakanga me te kore e kino ngā whanaungatanga
He mea noa te pakanga, ahakoa i roto i ngā whanaungatanga tino taurite. Ko te mea e wehewehe ai ngā whanaungatanga hauora i ngā whanaungatanga kino ko te whakahaere i te pakanga. I roto i te kaupapa tohutohu, ka ako ngā kiritaki i ngā rautaki whakahaere pakanga, pēnei i:
– te mōhio ki ngā mea e whakaoho ana i ngā kare ā-roto me ngā tohu o te "pahūtanga" e tata ana,
– te okioki ina tīmata te kōrero kia kore e whai hua,
– whakaae ki ngā ture whawhai tika (kāore he kupu whakatoi, he whakawehi, he kupu kino rānei),
– arotahi ki te raruraru, kaua e whakaeke i te āhua o tō hoa.
Mā te tohutohu hoki ka āwhina i ngā tāne me ngā wāhine kia kite ehara i te mea nui te "wikitoria" i tētahi tautohe. Ko te mea nui ko te kimi i tētahi whakataunga e pupuri ana i te mana o ngā taha e rua.
4. Te hanga i tētahi wairua haumaru ā-hinengaro
Ko te kounga o te whanaungatanga e whakawhirinaki nui ana ki te haumaru o ngā kare ā-roto: mehemea rānei e whakaaro ana tātou ka taea e tātou te pono me te kore e wehi i te whakahē, te whakarērea, te whakaiti rānei. He maha ngā tāngata e mau ana i ngā patunga o ō rātou hītori e uaua ai te whakawhirinaki, te whakatuwhera rānei i ō rātou whakaaro. Nō reira, ka whakawhanakehia e rātou te āhua o te noho puku, te whakapae, te tono nui rawa rānei.
Ka taea e te tohutohu te āwhina i te hanga anō i tēnei wairua haumaru mā te kōrerorero koretake, arotahi hoki. Ka akiakihia e ngā kaitohutohu te tuwhera haere, me te ārahi i ngā urupare tautoko. I te pikinga ake o te haumaru o ngā kare ā-roto, ka māmā ake te whakawhanake i te whanaungatanga piripono.
5. Te wikitoria i ngā tauira whakangaro auau
He maha ngā wā ka mau tonu ngā tāne me ngā wāhine i roto i tētahi tauira e pūmau ana: ka tono tetahi hoa, ka karo tetahi; ka noho puku tetahi hoa, ka whaia tetahi; ka ārai rānei ngā hoa e rua. He tino hoha tēnei tauira, ā, ka waiho pea te whanaungatanga kia mau tonu.
I roto i te mahi whakawā, ka tautuhia, ka tohua hoki ēnei tauira. Muri iho, ka akiakihia te tokorua kia whakawhanake i ngā tauira hou. Hei tauira, ka ako te hoa karo ki te whakaatu i te kore whakamarie me te kore e oma atu, ko te hoa whai ia ka ako ki te whakaatu i ngā hiahia me te kore e nui te pēhanga. He maha ngā wā ka huri tēnei tauira hei huringa nui ki te kounga o te whanaungatanga.
6. Whakatipuhia te aroha me ngā tirohanga hou
Ina kaha rawa ngā kare ā-roto, he māmā noa te kite i tō tātou hoa hei "kaihanga raruraru." Mā te tohutohu ka taea te hanga i te aroha: te kaha ki te mārama ki ngā wheako o roto o tētahi atu. Mā te arataki a te kaitohutohu, ka taea e ia hoa te kite i te tirohanga a tōna hoa—tae atu ki ngā mataku, ngā tumanako, me ngā matea kāore i te kōrerotia.
Ehara i te mea ko te aroha te tikanga o te whakaae tonu, engari ko te mārama ki te take e pēnei ai ngā mahi a tō hoa. Mā te aroha ka whakatipu te hiahia ki te mahi tahi, kaua ki te wawahi tetahi i tetahi.
7. Āwhina ki te whakatakoto i ngā rohe hauora
Ehara i te mea ko te noho tahi me te kore herenga te tikanga o te whanaungatanga pai. Engari, me mārama ngā herenga mō te whanaungatanga hauora: mō te tūmataitinga, te whakahaere wā, te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero, te whakahaere pūtea, tae atu ki ngā whanaungatanga ki te whānau whānui.
Mā te tohutohu ka āwhina i ngā tāne me ngā wāhine ki te whakatū i ngā rohe tūturu, kua whakaaetia ngātahitia. Hei tauira, ka taea e rātou te āwhina i a koe ki te whakahaere i tō wā i waenga i te mahi me te whānau, me pēhea te kōrero i te wā e riri ana, me pēhea rānei te whakatau i ngā pokanoa mai i te hunga tuatoru. Mā ngā rohe hauora ka ārai i te kohikohinga o te riri, ā, ka āwhina hoki ki te pupuri i te whanaungatanga whakaute.
8. Tautokohia te tukanga whakaora i muri i te raruraru
Ka pāngia ētahi whanaungatanga e ngā raruraru nui: te kore whakapono, te teka, ngā raruraru pūtea, te matenga o tētahi e arohaina ana, ngā huringa nui rānei pērā i te neke ki tētahi atu tāone, te whānau tamariki rānei. Ka taea e ngā raruraru te whakakino i te whakawhirinaki me te puta he patunga hohonu.
I ngā āhuatanga pēnei, ka taea e te tohutohu te waiho hei mahere ara ki te whakaora. Ko te tikanga o te tukanga ko te whakaae ki te mamae, te hanga anō i te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero, te whakawhanake i ngā whakaaetanga hou, ā,—ki te taea—te hanga anō i te whakawhirinaki. Ka āwhina hoki te tohutohu kia kore te whakaora e tohu noa engari kei roto ko ngā huringa whanonga tūturu.
9. Whakanuia te mōhio ki a koe anō me te whakahaere i ngā kare ā-roto
He whakaata ngā whanaungatanga: he maha ngā wā ka whakakitea mai ngā āhuatanga o tātou kāore tātou e mōhio ana kei te mōhio tātou. Mā te tohutohu ka whakanui ake i te mōhio ki a tātou anō, pērā i te mōhio ki ngā tauira o te tauhohenga ki te riri, ngā matea kare ā-roto e kore e arohia, me te āhua rānei o tā tātou whakapuaki i te aroha.
Hei tāpiritanga, ka ako te kaupapa tohutohu i te whakahaere i ngā kare ā-roto: te kaha ki te whakamarie i a ia anō, ki te whakaaro mārama, me te whakautu whakaaro nui ake. Ina taea e te tangata te whakahaere i ō rātou kare ā-roto, ka pumau ake ngā whanaungatanga nā te mea he iti ake te tūponotanga ka taka ki roto i te huringa o ngā tautohetohe ohorere.
10. Ehara te tohutohu i te tohu o te korenga, engari he whakapau kaha ki te tipu.
Kei te mau tonu te whakaaro kino ko te haere ki te kaiārahi he tikanga kua "pakaru" te whanaungatanga, kua "ngoikore" rānei te tangata. Inaa, ko te kaiārahi he tohu i te maia me te pakeketanga. I roto i te nuinga o ngā wā, ko ngā tāne me ngā wāhine e rapu āwhina wawe ana—i mua i te kaha rawa o ngā raruraru—he nui ake te tūponotanga ki te whakatika i tō rāua whanaungatanga.
Kāore te mahi tohutohu e mutu i ngā wā katoa mā te "noho tahi." I ētahi wā, ko te hua pai ko te mārama me whakahaere te wehenga i roto i te huarahi hauora me te whakaute. Ahakoa te hua, ka āwhina te tohutohu i a koe ki te whakatau i ngā whakataunga whai whakaaro me te kawenga.
Te Katinga
Ka taea e te tohutohu te whakapai ake i te kounga o tō whanaungatanga i roto i ngā huarahi tino whai hua: te whakapai ake i te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero, te hanga i te haumaru kare ā-roto, te wawahi i ngā tauira pakanga e auau ana, me te whakatipu i te aroha me ngā pūkenga whakahaere kare ā-roto. Ehara i te mea kāore he raruraru o te whanaungatanga pai, engari he whanaungatanga ka taea te whakatere i aua raruraru i roto i te huarahi hauora. Ki te mea kei te ahua tō whanaungatanga kei te noho pūmau, kei te kī tonu i ngā māramatanga kore, kei te ahua tawhiti rānei, he mea nui te tohutohu hei taahiraa ki te kimi anō i te tata, te māramatanga, me te huarahi pai ake.
Ki te hiahia koe, ka taea hoki e au te whakarite i tēnei tuhinga ki tētahi horopaki motuhake—hei tauira, te kaunihera mō ngā tāne me ngā wāhine, ngā whanaungatanga whakaipoipo, ngā whanaungatanga mātua-tamaiti, ngā whanaungatanga mahi rānei—me ngā rangahau take me ngā tohutohu whai hua.
